Astrophysics Colloquium: Why do we do astrophysics?

Abstract: Large language models (LLMs) are beginning to obtain the ability to design, execute, write up, and referee scientific projects. What implications does this have for our profession? I will develop a set of facts or "points of agreement" about what astrophysics is, or should be; I will then list and discuss (literally) every possible benefit that astrophysics can be seen as bringing to us, and to science, and to universities, and to the world. I discuss two possible (extreme and bad) policy recommendations related to the use of LLMs in astrophysics, dubbed "let-them-cook" and "ban-and-punish." I argue strongly against both of these, but don't provide any good alternatives.